Today.

I've always wanted to have a blog.

Actually, I think I've created several, websites that have a little witty information about me and a then-current photo of one of my gorgeous, perfect children. But it's the actual blogging part that I get hung up on. I always want to give a backstory, and then I get overwhelmed.

So, my new plan of attack is to just address what happens when it happens. If the past comes into play, then I can add it in then. :)

Today. July 24. Eleven years ago, my friend Kim lost her battle to leukemia. I was at Camp Takodah when I found out, at girls' camp training. I remember every painful detail of that summer. There was magic too, like butterflies everywhere, and for the first time, I really believed in a higher power, that Kim was working from above. While it doesn't always happen as much now, it still does.

This day always used to be my worst day of the year. It's easier now, and I think part of that is because I have a family, I can't wallow in my sadness because I'm usually "ON." And time heals a lot of things.

My biggest fear in life is losing one of my children. Actually, right now, I'm afraid of losing Ben. No worries, he's healthy and thriving. But my little boy is so sweet, so fun-loving, so GOOD. He reminds me a lot of Kim, and of others I have known who have left us early. I just have this horrible feeling that we won't have him for very long. How AWFUL is that? I can't explain why. Kat was horrified when I first told her my worries, and she thinks I'm crazy. I might be--I can certainly be both a drama queen and a hypochondriac.

This is very rambling. I think I'm going to end it here.